There. That headline ought to increase my Google ranking, and possibly my score on Blogshares. Now on to the news:
According to this week’s Star Magazine (Breaking Celebrity News First!):
Even in a robe and curlers, Angelina Jolie is drop-dead gorgeous! On Aug. 18, the mom of two got set to shoot a scene on location on Long Island, N.Y., for her latest movie, The Good Shepherd, co-starring Matt Damon.
What does that have to do with the middle ages? Read on, dear read on-er. Also from Star Magazine:
Once that wraps, she’s set to play the queen of darkness in a computer-animated adaptation of the epic poem Beowulf.
I’m confused for two reasons. 1) There’s no queen of darkness in Beowulf. The closest it’s got is Grendel’s mother, who’s more twisted hag at the bottom of a lake than queen of darkness. And 2) why would anyone want to cast Angelina Jolie in a computer-animated movie? Her number one asset is her drop-dead gorgeousness.*
If this report is accurate–and since I believe everything I read in magazines I pick up at the gym, I have to say it must be–then either I’ve been mistranslating Beowulf or misunderstanding the appeal of Ms. Jolie.
*Assets number two and three are usually found nestled snugly in a low cut dress. I suppose they could computer animate those, but that would hardly require her voice. So just like in Shark Tale, Angelina will be appearing sans-breasts: topless.