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Translation: I moved for the summer, and they released a new update to City of Heroes–these things combined keep me from posting with my usual amazing timeliness. I’ve got several posts in the drafts section that I’m working on. I’ll release them soon and probably backdate them so that future historians will think that I was more dilligent than I really am.*
But until then, I’d like to post this amazing letter I received from the Post Office explaining why my shipment of books–precious lifeblood of the academic–ended up dented and scuffed:
Memorandum To: Our Postal Customer
Subject: Damaged Mail
The enclosed was found loose in the mail or has been damaged in handling in the Postal Service (whichever is applicable to your enclosure).
We realize your mail is important to you, and you have every right to expect it to be delivered in tact and in good condition. The Postal Service makes every effort to properly handle the mail entrusted to it, but due to the large volume, occasional damage may occur.
When a Post Office handles an excess of 8 million pieces of mail daily, it is imperative that mechanical methods be used to to maintain production and ensure prompt delivery of the mail. It is also an actuality that modern production methods do not permit personal attention to individual pieces of mail. Damage can occur if mail is insecurely enveloped or bulky contents are enclosed. When this occurs and our machinery is jammed, it often causes damage to other mail that was properly prepared.
We are striving to improve our processing methods to assure than an occurence such as the enclosed can be eliminated. We appreciate your concern over the handling of your mail and sincerely regret the inconvenience you have experienced.
Kids, you can play along at home. Find five grammatical errors and ten instances of beauracratic bullshit! Turn this blog upside down for the answer key.
*I may have to delete this post eventually to further my scheme. Don’t worry. Future historians are suckers; they’ll fall for anything. Not unlike Americanists.