And the Winner…

…for quote from a medieval food news article that sounds most like a Jack Handy Deep Thought:*

Imagine looking at the bowl of apples sitting as a centerpiece in the middle of a dining table from the European Middle Ages. Take a bite, and as you sink your teeth in, you find that it’s not an apple at all but a pork meatball called pomme dorre.

Cf.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable – until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

BONUS: At this site I found a transcription and translation of a late middle English (circa 1440) cook book, the Liber cure Cocorum, with a recipe for the fake apples mentioned in the article.

For powme dorrys.

Take porke and grynde hit rawe, I kenne,
Temper hit with swongen egges; þenne
Kast powder to make hit on a balle;
In playand water þou kast hit schalle
To harden, þenne up þou take,
Enbroche hit fayre for goddes sake.
Endore hit with 3olkes of egges þen
With a fedyr at fyre, as I þe kenne;
Bothe grene and rede þow may hit make
With ius of herb3 I undertake;
Halde under a dysshe þat no3t be lost,
More honest hit is as þou wele wost.

For Glazed Meatballs [lit: golden apples]

Take pork and grind it raw, I teach,
Mix it with beaten eggs; then
Cast powder to make it in a ball;
In boiling water you shall cast it
To harden, then up you take,
Spit it fair for God’s sake.
Baste it with yolks of eggs then
With a feather at [the] fire, as I teach you;
Both green and red you may make it
With juice of herbs I undertake;
Hold under a dish that naught be lost,
More commendable it is as you well know.


I think the book is definitely worth a glance. Baked lampreys! Fake entrails! Roasted woodcock! Delicious.

*OK, so maybe it’s not as close as it sounded to me when I started this post. But any excuse to read over some old Deep Thoughts is worth it, I think.

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