I am pleased to report that Got Medieval Enterprises posted a record profit this year, due in no small part to our lack of records for years previous. Nevertheless, if we extrapolate this year’s growth forward, by this time next year I fully expect to be writing my yearly report from an exotic foreign resort where my every need is attended by serving staff as professional as they are well-endowed. Coconut shell bikini tops and grass skirts may factor in, but this will depend upon larger trends in the world economy. There will, of course, be a paper umbrella in my drink, unless a prolonged recession sets in, in which case I will settle for a plastic novelty cup of some sort. Perhaps a volcano.
GME’s strong performance over the past year rests primarily its dominance, as always, of the monkey and poop markets. By synergizing these two traditional areas of strength we were able to leverage our way into the far more lucrative monkey-poop market. Thus, the best-selling item in our CafePress store for fiscal 2008 was the Monkey and the Bishop Magnet, surpassing even the Drunk Monkeys upon which our great business was founded so long ago.
I would not suggest we abandon our traditional core product line in favor of this year’s darling, however. Data from the end of the year suggests that as the American credit market continues to experience uncertainty people will become less interested in such scatological fare. This is evidenced, or so the boys in marketing keep telling me, by the surprising success of our Angelic Magnet.
Hastily thrown together one night by our VP in charge of procrastination and dropped on the CafePress store with no ad support, this magnet sold nearly as well as the drunken monkeys, representing the number three seller overall. If the monkey labor union should ever get off the ground–and under an Obama presidency, this is a serious concern–we may have to look into expanding our angelic offerings. Angels, as you all are no doubt well aware, work for scale to avoid the appearance of conflicts of interest with their traditional employer’s stock portfolio.
In conclusion, GME should weather the coming uncertainty well, so long as we retain our commitment to our core product areas while simultaneously prioritizing new development. It has been my great honor to shepherd GME through 2008, and I predict nothing but success in the year ahead.
The Guy What Has the Blog