Welcome to December


Remember those happy acorn-feasting swine from November?  I’m sad to say that their time is up.  According to medieval calendars, December is the time to slaughter your swine and to make your sausage with their innards.

Notable medieval dates in December include:
  • December 1st, 1167 — The Lombard League is founded, uniting the city-states of northern Italy against Frederick I.
  • December 4th, 771 — King Carloman dies, his Austrasian kingdom passing to some “Charlemagne” character.
  • December 5th, 1484 — Pope Innocent VIII issues Summis desiderantes, kicking off the German Inquistion, which the Pythons failed to write a sketch about, but which did ultimately produce the Malleus Maleficarum.
  • December 11th, 1282 — Llywelyn the Last, the last native Prince of Wales, is killed.  A tragedy, surely, but when you name your son Llywelyn the Last, what do you expect?
  • December 12th, 1098 — The Massacre of Ma’arrat al-Numan.  Crusaders kill 20,000 and, reportedly, eat a few of them when food runs low.
  • December 18th, 1271 — Kublai Khan renames his empire “Yuan,” though probably not from a stately pleasure-dome.  In related news, honey-dew and Paradise milk futures shoot through the roof.
  • December 25th is a good day for being crowned: Charlemagne is crowned the Holy Roman Emperor in 800;  Stephen I, King of Hungary in 1000; William the Bastard, King of England in 1066; Baldwin of Boulogne, King of Jerusalem in 1100; and Roger of Sicily, King of Siciliy in 1130.
  • December 28th, 1065 — Westminster Abbey is consecrated.
  • December 29th, 1170 — Thomas Becket, the turbulent priest, assassinated.  

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • André

    Hello, all right? I do not speak English but liked the aesthetics of your work. the image does not speak any language – I would like to invite you to visit my job – in Portuguese and prestige it
    a big hug! the world do not have language ..

  • tenthmedieval

    December 4th, 711 — King Carloman dies

    Surely 781?

    (I’ve nearly broken my Usenet programming. See how I didn’t start that ‘ITYM’? All but cured I tell you.)

    Also, by happy chance, the word verification legend for this comment was `pedna’ which should see off most OCD pedants in sheer frothing frustration… Er, feel free to delete this comment once you’ve corrected if you want.

  • Got Medieval

    Corrected. Surely, textual scholars have a fancy word for not doubling what should be doubled followed by doubling what shouldn’t. It’s not just dittography, right?

  • EK Black

    Awesomely, “Yuan” is the exact same word used as the denomination of currency today on Mainland China. Proof that Mongols remain da illest.
    (Irony: their decline in the 14th century was partially a result of printing enormous amounts of worthless paper money.)

  • Ceirseach

    # December 11th, 1282 — Llywelyn the Last, the last native Prince of Wales, is killed. A tragedy, surely, but when you name your son Llywelyn the Last, what do you expect?

    But at least their next prince didn’t speak any English!

    … Or Welsh.

  • Karl Steel

    Lovely picture of shit squeezing. Thank you. I feel as though I’ve been waiting all my life to see that.

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