My Medieval iPod

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas and am now obsessed with it. From the end of this sentence on, all my blog posts will be typed on its tiny touch screen.

AS I eas sayding, I realy lovr this nmew tecjknowlogy.*

Anyway, while searching for new iPod wallpaper, I discovered two things. The first is that even the iPod is not safe from the old “so-crappy-its-medieval” meme. According to MacNewsWorld (the website for people who don’t have time to press the space bar, they’re so busy getting up-to-date mac news from the world), Apple recently relaxed its policy that required third-party iPod application developers to sign non-disclosure agreements before being given their development kits, a stunning about-face that could only be described with the headline, “Apple Goes a Little Less Medieval on Devs.”

I think the word they were looking for was “draconian,” not medieval. Dragons–particularly those from ancient China–are well known for their elaborate non-disclosure agreement rituals.

The other thing I learned is that we are currently experiencing a global shortage of medieval wallpaper for our iPod Touches and iPhones. When I did a search for medieval ipod wallpaper, the first thing I got was this:**

As always, I try to keep an open mind about questions of periodization, but I’m pretty sure that Buffy the Vampire Slayer holding a riding crop isn’t going to make it into the Norton Anthology of Medieval Iconography any time soon. So, as a thank you to all my readers who use an iPod Touch to view this site, here you go:

Voila! Medieval iPod Touch wallpaper.***

*See what I did there? I faked a bunch of typos to make you think I had switched, when in fact–oh, so you knew that? What would you say if I told you that I actually had typed that on my tiny touch screen, but only faked being bad at it, and that I am even now still typing on the tiny screen, but with the skill and dexterity of the very skillful and dexterous iPod touch typer that I happen to–what, you don’t buy that, either?  Well who cares what you think, anyway, Dr. Know it All?
**I know that you all know better than to trust my footnotes, but I swear, that’s what I pulled up. In the time since I first started this post, the first wallpapery hit on Google Images for “medieval iPod touch wallpaper” has been replaced with an image of the band Dethklok from Metalocalypse. [UPDATE: Now Dethklok has fallen to 2, behind wallpaper with the motto “I Love Ale!”  Hopefully, all the readers I’m getting today from BoingBoing Gadgets will soon raise the monkeys above to #1 on Google’s search.]
***Be warned, I’ve installed special tracking cookies. I will know if you download Sarah Michelle Gellar instead, and I will inform the tenure review committee.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • George Austin

    Apropos of nothing
    That photo of Sarah Michelle Gellar is likely an elaborate photoshop job. Why would anyone go through the effort? Apparently none of the images from the riding crop photo-shoot were right for a magazine cover’s layout.

    The owners of fake-detective.com discourage linking to their site, so to check my source, one would go there and try to find Case #315.

    I’m not in the habit of making such random comments, but my aimless wanderings on Wikipedia led me to The Fake Detective last night and, being weak-willed and bored, I started reading their case-files starting with the most recent. Today, a friend led me to your blog and I saw a familiar image.

  • Nathaniel

    Really, though, Pulp Fiction is to be blamed for most of those headlines, I think.

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