Hi everybody, Reynard here. You remember me, right? I’m the adorable talking fox who sometimes drops in to guest-blog on this little vanity project that Carl calls “Got Medieval”. Aren’t I adorable? My tail is naturally this bushy, I assure you.
Well, anyway, I’m just dropping in to say that your precious little funny man is not coming back. See, I kind of sort of ate him, then shat him out. His remains are currently fertilizing my garden, which will produce fine fruits and vegetables that I will feed to my whelps, making them strong enough to one day devour your children. It is the circle of life that you have heard so much about in the movies and the gay man’s little songs.
Do not think me a cretin for eating your blogger. He was, let me tell you, the worst sort of filth. Why, just the other day, he was seen being led in chains to the king’s throne to answer for the charge of [expletive deleted]* a chicken’s corpse:
A noble chicken, I might add, who had never done anyone any wrong and that he had strangled himself earlier that morning with his own two paws. What’s that, you say? This looks like a picture of me, Reynard the Fox, being led to jail? Yes, yes it does. For amongst his many crimes, this site’s blogger also was known to impersonate me in public. But that is him and not me. You know this, because I, Reynard the Fox, would never be caught by foolish agents of the state. Truly, it was an imposter who was tried, convicted, and escaped from his jail cell by convincing his jailer (with the clever use of double entendres) to try to remove his own skin and have it dry cleaned professionally, necessitating the jailer’s immediate hospitalization.
So you see why I had to kill and eat your blogger. It was justice of the highest order. For no one may impersonate the great Reynard!
*What the [expletive for copulation] deleted? Why am I not able to say [expletive deleted] on this [expletive (gerund) for copulating with a donkey] blog?
**[AUTOMATED NOTE: The parental controls for this blog have been enabled.]***
***[Vulgar euphemism for awakening to find oneself covered with one’s own excrement deleted.]!!!!!! I, Reynard, will not put up with this [expletive deleted]. What, I cannot say [expletive deleted], either? That is such [expletive for sexual positions only possible when one is double-jointed]. I named my first child Mademoiselle [expletive deleted]-y Mc[vulgar euphemism for a woman’s sexual organs], for Chrissake!****
****What, I can take the Lord’s name in vain, but I can’t say [expletive begun, cut off midway, but deleted nonetheless]–forget it. Goddamn American censors.