Coming Soon to the (Bad) Medieval Movie Club

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The response to my (Bad) Medieval Movie Club announcement has been quite flattering so far, if somewhat overwhelming at the same time. But don’t get me wrong, that’s overwhelming-in-a-good-way, with proper amounts of gratitude and hopefulness buttressing it up. Once-a-month might not prove often enough to contain such enthusiasm.

So far, here’s what my readers have to look forward to in the weeks and months* ahead, in no particular order and certainly not in order of expected release:

Excalibur (1981)
“Forged by a god. Foretold by a wizard. Found by a king.”
Featuring Jenn Zuko, medieval combat enthusiast and blogger behind Bonzuko.
Beyond Sherwood Forest
Beyond Sherwood Forest (2009)
Featuring the mysterious, pseudonymous academic Dr. Virago of the blog Quod She.
Timeline (2003)
“They had to travel into the past to save the future”
Aided ably by Lyn Belzer-Tonnessen, independent scholar and all around geek.
Ironclad (2011)
“Heavy metal goes medieval”
Featuring the return of Jennifer Lynn Jordan of the late Per Omnia Saecula and recently of Darwin Carmichael is Going to Hell!
Ever After
Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)
“Desire. Defy. Escape.”
Avec Linda C. McCabe, historical fantasy author, whose debut novel Quest of the Warrior Maid is in stores now.
The 13th Warrior
The 13th Warrior (1999)
“An Ordinary Man…An Extraordinary Journey!”
In collaboration with Marie Brennan, author, whose latest novel With Fate Conspire has just recently hit shelves near you.
Beowulf & Grendel
Beowulf & Grendel (2005)
“Beneath the Legend Lies the Tale”
Starring special guest Dave Wilton, grad student and editor of
A Knight's Tale
A Knight’s Tale (2001)
“From peasant to knight; one man can change his stars”
With Katy Werlin in the co-pilot’s seat, grad student and blogger behind The Fashion Historian.
Kingdom of Heaven
Kingdom of Heaven (2005)***
“Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Safeguard the helpless, and do no wrong”
In conjunction with Charles M. Ryan: Novelist. Designer. Manic GM. Gaming grandee. (He also blogs at The Fascinating World of Charles Ryan.)

If you’re still thinking maybe you’d like to join the club, don’t take this long list as evidence there’s no room for you or that all the good stuff has already been taken. So many possibly bad medieval movies. So little–oh, screw that, we’ll find the time.

One last thing. It’s important that nobody take this post as a promissory note. As more offers roll in, and as folks inevitably back out,**** I’ll keep you updated.

  1. * Months is probably the better way to think here. So many movies. I can’t spend every waking hour watching them, can I? []
  2. ** Apparently SyFy original movies don’t get taglines. Who knew? []
  3. *** What? This movie again? Haven’t I already talked about that enough? Think of it as a return to my very first medieval movie review, now unencumbered by my schoolboy crush on Orlando Bloom. []
  4. **** To keep enthusiasm up, if you know any of my co-authors personally, you definitely should email them excitedly about how you can’t wait to see their wit and wisdom on display at Got Medieval. (No pressure, guys.) []

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jenn Jordan

    I hope that when you do Kingdom of Heaven, you do the 19-hour one.

  • Dr. Virago

    Man, if I’d known my movie had no tagline, I’d have thrown a Hollywood-worthy, diva-style hissy fit.  But it would have been a very mysterious hissy fit.

    Seriously, I am *so* excited to review a movie starring  a guy named Robin *as* Robin (so it *must* be authentic, right?) and the inestimably cheesy Julian Sands as…Malcolm? Who the heck is Malcolm?  Well, never mind that, because this undoubtedly awesome movie is directed by Peter DeLuise!  Score!

  • Makhno

    Looking forward to all of these! Maybe I need to try and make sure I see Ironclad before you review it… (The other two that I haven’t seen, Ever After and Timeline, I’ve no great desire to see anyway. Though if it were a choice between one or both of them, and REwatching Beyond Sherwood Forest, that would be another matter.)

    Oh, and Malcolm is the Sheriff of Nottingham IIRC.

  • Dr. Virago

    @ Makhno – The Sheriff has a name?  Imagine that! 🙂  But *of course* Julian Sands is the bad guy.  I can’t wait to watch him chew the scenery!

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  • lady_godiva

     Ohhh Timeline! High King of all Bad Medieval Movies! Yay.
    The Highlights of this movie for me were

    – Archeaologists who learn thier dates from Wikipedia

     – Modern heroes who boast about how much cleverer they are then the
    Medieval dummies around them, but cannot evade capture by said dummies

    – Heroes display thier capacity for negotiation, diplomacy, and staggering political awareness by posing as the sworn enemies of occupying forces, and clad in peasant’s attire ask a nobleman the release his valuable prisoner to them- then whine because they dont get taken seriously.

    – useless hordes of Stereotyped Scarlet Clad nights with bad ‘British’ accents

    – Medieval soldiers armed heat seeking ballistic missiles cunningly disguised as arrows, which can hit thier target even when archers are aiming in the opposite direction.

    – Said soldiers also equipped with GPS which enables them to track down thier enemies in the Middle of a forest

    – Yet despite thier advanced technology baddies spend most of thier time setting fire to things with very primitive torches proving themselves to be witless morons by – running towards people brandishing bows in thier faces, tripping over thier own tunics, and standing around in battle scenes waiting for somebody to him them with a fake sword

    – Small group of above mentioned Medieval Knights demonstrate thier malevolent genius by riding into the Middle of the French army to catch one peasant girl

    – The premise that capturing one castle could win a whole war, and that despite thier displays of seeming incompetence the villians are really evil geniuses capabe of wreaking unold destruction- but can scarcely hold a sword.

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